


I Will Not Betray Him

by bafflethemwithbullshit



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: But Mainly Focusing on Jack and Emily, Emily loves Jack Hotchner, F/M, Family, Friendship, One Chapter per Flashback, hotchniss, the WHOLE TEAM is there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-01-31 18:46:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bafflethemwithbullshit/pseuds/bafflethemwithbullshit
Summary: "I love Jack. I've watched him grow up. I will not betray him, or his father."After Peter Lewis tried to 'kill' her, Emily can't get those words out of her head. She reflects on the moments throughout Jack's life, the little boy who melted her heart.





	1. The Day She Became Emmy

**Author's Note:**

> EMILY PRENTISS LOVES JACK HOTCHNER. I'm going to try and stick to the timeline as best as I can. If I screw up, let me know.

_"But Jack? I love Jack, I've watched him grow up. I will not betray him."_

The words played over and over in her mind, like a broken record. She'd meant every word of it, too. She loved him, like her own if she were being honest. She loved Henry and Michael too, she really did. But she had a special bond with Jack, one that made her forget she actually wasn't his mother.

The first time they'd met properly was when he was four years old, and it made her laugh every time she thought about it.

* * *

**2009.**

Emily leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms above her head. She'd been sitting at her desk way too long, and she could feel the effects taking place. It was four o'clock on a Thursday afternoon, and she'd finished all her paperwork.

It was a slow day.

She looked up at Morgan, who was practically falling asleep at his desk, and Reid was pulling files off his desk without him noticing. Emily shook her head with a soft smile. She'd noticed he'd do that every now and again. Speed through paperwork and do other people's without them noticing. As opposed to Morgan's approach of trying to subtly pawn them off to other people to do.

She looked at the finished file on her desk and picked it up. She would just drop it off on Hotch's desk, because she knew he was in a meeting with Strauss.

She stood up, stretching her legs in the process, then proceeded to make her way to the office at the top of the stairs. As soon as she walked in the door, she noticed something on the couch that wasn't normally there.

A small child.

Emily proceeded to walk into the office and place the file down on the Unit Chief's desk as she smiled at the young boy "Well, hi there,"

"Hello," the boy replied shyly.

"You must be Jack," she said. He nodded "I'm Emily,"

"You work with Daddy?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

"I do," Emily nodded with a smile "How long you been sitting here for?"

Jack shrugged "A while,"

"Does Dad know you're here?" Emily furrowed her eyebrows slightly as she awaited his response, which, by the shake of his head, was a 'no'. "How'd you get here?"

"Mommy dropped me off," said Jack, he looked down at his feet as they swung back and forth and looking at the game box on Hotch's desk "I wanted to play scrabble with Daddy, but he's not here,"

"Well, Mr Jack, it just so happens that I'm excellent at scrabble," she said and grabbed the box from the desk, trying to cheer him up a bit.

"You'll play with me?" Jack asked, his eyes lighting up.

"Of course," Emily said as she got down on the floor in front of the boy, who quickly followed suit "On the condition that you'll go easy on me," she said "Your dad told me that you're a champion speller, so I think you have an unfair advantage,"

Jack giggled which made Emily smile. He had his father's dimples, it was the cutest thing she'd ever seen "Deal,"

"Okay, Mr. Hotchner, you're on," she playfully looked at him seriously, which made him giggle again and they started to play.

They had been playing for 20 minutes. Emily asked questions here and there, typically questions about school and friends. He seemed to be quite happy, which was a relief.

"Aglet?" asked Emily, as she raised an eyebrow "That's not a real word,"

"Yes it is," Jack smiled proudly, his dimples popping out.

"Oh really?" Emily looked at him sceptically, she knew exactly was an aglet was, but a four year old shouldn't.

"Yep,"

"Hmm..." Emily said "I don't believe you,"

Jack giggled as he pulled his leg up with his hand, pointing tothe plastic end of his shoelace with the other "That thingy,"

Emily smirked at him "Okay, I believe you,"

Jack smiled proudly "I get double points,"

"You've rigged this," Emily said to him.

"No I haven't, you're just bad at this game," Jack said as-a-matter-of-factly and Emily looked at him, mock offended.

"Are you calling me a bad speller?" Emily asked him, her hand on her chest in hurt.

Jack nodded and fell into fits of laughter as Emily continued to look offended, rolling on the floor.

"Well," Emily shrugged "You're probably right,"

"That's okay," Jack said as he got back to the game, concentrating on the board "You don't have to be good at everything, you're good at catching bad guys, you don't need to be good at spelling,"

_Oh, sweet, sweet boy._

Emily's heart melted. She was doomed. This boy had stolen her heart in a matter of half an hour.

Before she could respond, she heard a familiar voice at the door "What's going on in here?"

Emily turned to see Hotch's smiling face as he saw his son "Hi Daddy, we're playing scrabble," Jack waved, but didn't move to get up to greet him. He smiled up at his father before looking back at Emily "Your turn, Emmy,"

Emily smiled at the name. But looked back down at her tiles before putting her word down. This boy was beating her and she knew it. Jack probably knew it too. Hotch bent down to kiss his son on the crown of his head before walking around to sit at his desk.

"Okay, Qi,"

Jack fell into a fit of giggles again "Emmy! That's not a word!"

"Yes it is!" Emily defended "You don't believe me?"

Jack shook his head and Emily stood up to grab the dictionary from Hotch's bookshelf, searching through the pages until she hit 'Qi'.

"Here," she started and sat down next to him, moving the book so they could both read "Vital energy that is held to animate the body internally and is of central importance in some Eastern systems of medical treatment and of exercise or self defense,"

Jack looked up at her puzzled "What does that mean?"

Emily closed the dictionary "Well, you know what acupuncture is?" Jack shook his head "Well you go to a person who sticks little needles all over your body,"

"Ow!" Jack said over-animatedly, making Emily laugh softly.

"It doesn't hurt, it just makes you relax," said Emily "It's a way of taking care of your body, which is what Qi means,"

"Oh," Jack said, and nodded, seeming to take it at face value "Okay,"

"Alright, time to see who won," Emily said as she grabbed the notepad from the other side of the board.

"You didn't win, Emmy," Jack said and Hotch snorted quietly from his desk, making her glare at him.

"You're supposed to make it seem like I have a chance of winning," Emily responded.

"But you don't," Jack shook his head.

Emily looked at the boy next to her, who just shrugged at her and she laughed "You are something else, kid," she said and started to stand up "Never change,"

"I won't," he said and started to pack up the tiles, making Emily shake her head with a smile on her face "Thank you for playing with me even though you lost really bad,"

Emily snorted and looked over at Hotch who was trying his best not to laugh at his subordinate "Yeah sure, anytime,"

* * *

**2018.**

She could still remember that day like it was yesterday. He was so innocent, so sweet. He still was, but he'd seen his fair share of tragedy, more than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime. And he was thirteen years old.

"Hey," Emily's eyes jerked to the door, where Luke was standing "You okay?"

Emily furrowed her eyebrows "What are you doing here? I thought I told you to go home,"

"We're not leaving until you do," Luke said, leaning against the frame.

"That's ridiculous," Emily said "Go home,"

"Sure," he shrugged "As soon as I see you walking towards that elevator,"

Emily rolled her eyes "I'm about to leave,"

"Great, then there shouldn't be a problem then," Luke smiled at her, making her snort "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm good," Emily said, giving him a small smile "I promise,"

Luke looked at her sceptically, but took her word for it anyway "Okay, well, I'll see you on the way out then," and started to walk off.

"Go home Alvez!" Emily yelled out to him.

"Yeah, whatever!" he called back, and she knew he wasn't leaving. She shook her head and started to gather her things. Opening her drawer, she grabbed her keys, pausing when she spotted the photo that lay down in there.

A photo of her and Jack, when he was about six years old. He was smiling as he sat on her shoulders. She remembered that day too. A perfect day. Well, an almost perfect day.

But right now, she was going home.


	2. The Day She Got a Phone Call

She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and not being able to sleep. It had been a long day. Being kidnapped by Peter Lewis was not her version on a good one. But everyone was safe, and that's all that matters. Hotch was safe. _Jack was safe._

She looked across at the empty pillow, remembering it had been filled by a certain brunette many times over the years. The first time it happened, Emily had been babysitting for Hotch a few weeks after she'd met Jack.

* * *

**2009.**

Her phone rang as she sat on her couch at home. A book in one hand and a a glass of wine in the other. She wasn't much of a drinker, not after growing up with a father that drank as much as he did, but she did like a glass of wine or beer every now and again.

She put her thin wooden bookmark in her page and put it on the couch next to her, swiping her phone from the coffee table to answer it, knowing exactly who it was.

"Hotch, I literally just sat down with a glass of the extremely expensive bottle of wine that Rossi lost in a bet, and I've ordered dinner from the most amazing Chinese place in D.C, do not tell me I'm-"

_"Emily,"_

Emily stopped her ranting as she heard Hotch chuckle, also because he'd called her 'Emily', not 'Prentiss'.

_"I'm not calling you in, you can relax and finish that bottle of wine and eat your amazing Chinese food,"_

Emily sighed in relief "Oh, thank God,"

_"I actually called you for a favour,"_

"Of course," she said, leaning back on the couch again and took a sip from her wine.

_"You can say no if you want, I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything..."_

"Hotch," Emily said softly, this time it was her turn to chuckle at him "What do you need?"

_"Tomorrow night I have a meeting with some of the brass, and Haley has a date or something..."_

He trailed off and Emily furrowed her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.

_"Anyway, there's no one to watch Jack and he's been asking about you, so I was wondering if maybe he could stay with you for a few hours,"_

Emily's eyes popped out of her head for a split second, and then thought about spending more time with the little boy with a heart of gold and smiled softly "Yeah, of course, I'd love to have him here,"

_"I mean, I know you have room at your place and he won't have to stay the whole night-"_

"Hotch," Emily cut him off again "Bring him over, if you need a night to yourself or you're going to be super late, he can just stay here the night, honestly it's not a problem,"

She heard Hotch let out a sigh of relief.

_"Okay, so I'll bring him over about 5 tomorrow afternoon?"_

"Sounds like a plan. Uh, any dietary requirements? Special requests?" Emily asked, quickly standing up to grab a notepad from the kitchen counter and a pen.

_"He'll pretty much eat anything, but don't give him sugar after 6 or he won't sleep at all. I mean, you can if you want but you're gonna have to deal with it,"_

Emily snorted as she jotted the notes down and he continued to talk.

_"He loves mac n cheese, and grilled cheese, pretty much anything with cheese he loves,"_

"What a coincidence, me too," Emily smirked as Hotch let out a chuckle "Okay, bed time?"

_"Oh, uh, between 7:30 and 8:30, he knows this, so don't let him try and convince you otherwise, because he absolutely will do that,"_

Emily laughed "Okay, thanks for the heads-up,"

Hotch was quiet a moment, which made Emily pause.

_"Thank you so much, Emily,"_

'Emily'. There it was again. She smiled, ignoring the flutter in her stomach. _Ugh, stop it Prentiss._

"Anytime," she responded "I'll see you tomorrow,"

Hotch cleared his throat on the other end.

_"Yeah, I'll let you get back to your extremely expensive bottle of wine,"_

Emily chuckled "I appreciate that, night Hotch,"

_"Goodnight Emily,"_

* * *

**2018.**

She can still remember that stupid feeling she got when he called her that. Mainly because she still got it every time. But she ignored it, and still continues to, because it never does anyone good not to.

She remembers trying to get everything hazardous out of the open to try and child-proof her apartment a little. Emily chuckled at how frantic and nervous she was, shaking her head as she looked back at it. But little did she know she didn't have to be so nervous.

* * *

**2009.**

Hotch dropped Jack off at 5 o'clock the following night. She opened the door to see Jack standing there beside his father with a huge grin on his face.

"Hi Emmy!" Jack beamed at her and hugged her legs, Emily bending down to reciprocate.

"Hey Jack," she smiled and Jack walked inside to jump up on the couch and sit patiently. Emily chuckled amd looked at his father who was looking a little worried. And she knew exactly what he was worried about "Hey, no, don't do that," Hotch's eyes snapped to her, finally looking at her "He knows you have to go, he'll be fine I promise,"

He nodded "Thank you for this,"

"Hotch, it's not a problem," Emily replied, glancing back at the boy waiting patiently on the couch before looking back at the Unit Chief in front of her "He's a sweet kid, we're gonna have a great time,"

Hotch nodded again as he handed her a small bag of Jack's stuff "Okay, I shouldn't be too late but I'll call you if something comes up,"

"Okay," Emily responded and Hotch squeezed her forearm slighlty as he looked over at his son.

"Bye Jack,"

"Bye Daddy!" he waved over, and both adults smiled before looking back at each other. Hotch hesitated for a moment and Emily started to physically push him out of her apartment (softly, mind you).

"Go," she said as she escorted him out "We'll be fine,"

Hotch nodded as he made his way out of the apartment "Thank you, Emily,"

"Stop thanking me and go," Emily said, making Hotch's lip twitch.

"Alright, I'll see you later,"

"Bye,"

And with that, she finally got him out of her apartment and she made her way over to the boy, placing the bag on the floor beside the couch "Alright, Mr Hotchner, it's just you and me now,"

Jack beamed up at her and right then and there she knew this boy was going to get her in trouble. Whether it was tonight or any day in the future, she didn't know, but she knew he would nonetheless.

Emily had cooked him mac n cheese, and Hotch was right, Jack loved cheese. He asked for more cheese on top, and kept swiping it from the counter when she was slicing it, thinking she didn't notice. She couldn't help but laugh at the sheepish look on his face when he found out she knew.

He drew pictures as Emily read her book and Jack managed to con her into another game of scrabble, to which he beat her again. She told herself that she was going easy on him, letting him win, but even she couldn't believe that lie.

He eventually got tired, and didn't put up much of a fight when she'd suggested bedtime. He did the usual kid thing of 'I'm not tired' as his eyelids fell shut, but still got up anyway.

She showed him to her spare bedroom where he could get changed, and then the bathroom where he could brush his teeth.

"Alright bud," she said and crouched down in front of him as he came out of the bathroom "You see that room there?" she asked as she pointed to the room down the hall "That's my room, I'm gonna keep the door open, and if you need anything during the night I want you to call out, okay?"

Jack nodded, rubbing his eyes softly.

"I mean it, Jack," she said and made sure he was looking at her "Anything at all, I'll come running,"

"Okay," Jack said out loud, and Emily nodded her head.

"Alright, let's go," she stood up, leading him to his room for the night and tucking him into bed.

"Emmy, can you sing to me?" he asked.

"Sing?" Emily raised an eyebrow at him "Like a song?"

Jack nodded. _Welp._

"Uh...okay," she said and sat on the edge of the bed "My grandmother used to sing this to me when I was your age,"

Jack looked up at her as she started to sing.

"In the jungle the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight..."

She was about halfway through the short rhyme when he drifted off to sleep, but she finished it off for good measure. Turning off the lamp beside the bed, she gave him a small kiss on his forehead.

"G'night Emmy," his little, tired voice sounded through the dark room.

"Goodnight Jack," she whispered, brushing his hair out of his face before backing out of the room quietly.

She shut the door about three quarters of the way, but left it cracked so she could hear if he needed anything and went back downstairs to her living room. Just as she got back downstairs, her phone rang. 

"Hey Hotch," she answered quietly.

_"Hey, how is he?"_

"He's just fallen asleep then,"

_"Oh, good, thank you,"_

"Sure," she said simply, knowing there was more he was going to say.

_"I'm going to be stuck here for a while, do you mind if he stays there the night?"_

"Of course not, he's already asleep," Emily replied "I'm fairly certain I can handle breakfast,"

_"Thank you so much for this, Emily,"_

Emily smiled softly "Like I said, he's a great kid, it's my pleasure,"

_"Okay, I'll see you in the morning then,"_

"Goodnight Hotch,"

_"Night, Emily,"_

A couple hours after, she went to bed herself. It was exhausting looking after a small child. Even one as well-behaved as Jack. So she'd gone to bed, and drifted off to sleep.

A while later, there was a small voice in her ear "Emmy,"

She groaned a little but managed to open her eyes anyway. The room was notquite pitch black, so she could see a little figure standing beside her bed.

"Emmy, are you awake?"

Emily resisted the urge to snort at him "Yeah buddy, what's up? Are you okay? What's wrong?" she sat up slightly so she could see him properly.

"I had a nightmare," he said meekly.

"Oh, buddy, I'm sorry," she reached out and brushed the small hairs from his face before lifting him up to sit on her bed "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The bad guy got Daddy," he said and Emily could just make out the tear rolling down his face. She wiped it from his cheek as she grabbed his hands.

"Oh, honey," she said "Those are bad dreams, but that's all they are, okay? Bad dreams," Jack nodded as Emily continued "Your Daddy's fine,"

"You promise?" asked Jack as he held out his pinky finger. The most sacred kind of promise. She smiled softly as she wrapped his little finger with hers.

"I promise,"

"Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course," she said and pulled back the covers so he could get in. His small frame climbed into the bed and Emily helped him pull up the covers again "Comfortable?"

Jack nodded and Emily smiled as she laid back down herself "Goodnight Emmy,"

"Goodnight buddy," she replied before she started to drift off again. Before she fell asleep completely again, she felt a weight on her chest.

She looked down to see Jack had rolled over to lay his head on her chest, his arm wrapping around hers. She smiled, giving his crown a kiss before drifing off to sleep herself.

* * *

**2018.**

Emily smiled at the memory of it and shook her head. She had woken up to a drool patch on her arm and Jack had somehow pushed her right to the edge of the bed as he slept diagonally. He still had his head on her chest, but his legs were spread out over the bed.

It was amazing that such a small person could take up so much room.

Emily's phone buzzed on her bedside table, which pulled her out of her trance. She reached over to look at the message. Her eyes widening as she read it. It was from Hotch.


	3. The Day Her Heart Broke

_Thank you for everything you've done for us. We'll see you soon. H x._

Well, what the fuck did that mean? When was she going to see them?

Emily's heart pounded in her chest. They were coming home. She wasn't sure when, but her boys were coming home.

_Her boys? Emily what the fuck, stop._

Now she definitely not going to be able to sleep. So she got up and walked to her kitchen, flicking her kettle on before reaching for a mug to make some tea.

"Get a grip, Prentiss," she told herself, leaning forward on the counter top as she bowed her head.

The kettle flicked off and Emily straightened up to pour the hot water over the teabag, shaking her head at herself. Her boys? When the fuck did they become her boys?

* * *

**2010.**

Emily sit in the hospital room, looking down at the man in the bed. He was still unconscious, and Emily was not leaving his side.

"Jesus, Hotch," she whispered, her eyes glued to his face.

Not long after, the team had joined her once they had finished their case. They were all currently standing around the room, just waiting.

"You knew something was wrong," JJ said softly as she looked down at her friend in the chair.

Emily looked up at her before looking back at their boss "He wouldn't just not show up, something had to be wrong,"

"Why would Foyet drop him off at the hospital, why not let him die?" Garcia asked.

"He doesn't want him dead," said Emily "He needs him alive for something,"

They waited there for another forty minutes before the unit chief awoke. Emily stood up from the chair and moved closert o the bed as the rest of the team gathered around.

They went through motives, trying to figure out Foyet's plan, before figuring out that he'd taken the 'B' page of Hotch's address book and jumping into action to go get Hotch's family.

Emily stayed with Hotch in the room as the team made their way to the hospital, so he could say goodbye "They're going to be okay,"

"You don't know that,"

"You're right, I don't know that for sure," she said as she leaned forward so he could see her properly "But I know for a fact that we aren't going to stop until this son of a bitch is in cuffs or dead,"

Hotch looked at her for a moment before giving her a small nod. That's when Haley and Jack came around the corner "Hi Daddy," the boy said softly. Haley had clearly said to be careful with his father.

Emily slipped out of the room to give them all some privacy. She couldn't help but feel her heart break as she knew he wouldn't see his son for a while.

She stood by herself, by the large windows of the hospital, not really knowing what to do. Her arms were folded and her shoulders hunched over, until she felt a tug on her pant leg.

She looked down to see Jack standing there, he wasn't smiling but he didn't look too sad at the moment either. Clearly, he didn't understand what was happening "Hi Emmy," he said quietly.

She gave him a warm smile and crouched down in front of him "Hey Jack, what are you doing out here?"

"Mommy needs to speak to Daddy alone," he said.

Emily sighed softly and grabbed the boys hands, holding them in her own "Has Mommy told you what's happening?"

"She said that we were going away for a while, like a vacation," he responded.

"That's right," she replied and put on a smile for him "And we will see you when you get back,"

Jack smiled back at her "And we can play scrabble again?"

Emily chuckled "And we can play scrabble again," she agreed "I'll practice so you have some real competition the next time we play,"

Jack giggled "Good luck with that, Emmy,"

Emily looked mock offended "You wound me, Jack Hotchner,"

Jack giggled again and Emily smiled, as she saw Haley come out of Hotch's room. She was upset, and probably needed her son right now, so Emily looked back at the boy.

"Okay, Jacky," she started "I think it's time for you to go now, and I think your Mom needs a big hug, okay?"

"Okay," Jack nodded and wrapped her arms around Emily's neck "I'll see you when I get back,"

Emily wrapped her arms around the boy "Look after your Mom,"

"I will, bye Emmy, love you," he said and started to make his way over to Haley to give her a big hug. Her heart had melted again, he really was the sweetest boy.

Just as a couple of WitSec agents came to take them, Haley quickly said something and left Jack with them as she started to walk over to Emily.

Emily gave her a small smile as she came over "Take care of him, Emily," Haley said, making Emily's eyebrows furrow "Aaron. I know you care about him, and he'll drive himself crazy, so look after him,"

Emily nodded "I will," she replied "I promise,"

Haley nodded back at her "Thank you," and with that, she walked back over to her son.

Emily sighed, this was going to be rough. Little did they know just how rough they would turn out to be.

* * *

**2018.**

That was the first time Jack had told her he loved her, and it made her melt every time. They said it casually now, like a normal farewell.

She had tried to take care of Hotch, she really did. But there's not much you can do when a man's son is on the other side of the country with a madman after him. So she had picked him up and dropped him back home again, he was cleared to drive but Emily hadn't taken no for an answer.

She'd made sure he knew that they were there for him, whatever he needed. He'd stay late in the office to look at Foyet files, and then go home and do the same thing. So she stayed with him, and helped him.

Sometimes he wouldn't let her, but most of the time he did. So they'd stay up late in his apartment, looking over the same case files that they'd both memorised.

He was a mess and she knew it. So at least she was there if he ever had a break. His ex-wife and his son were gone, he had no idea where they were and he was barely holding it together. So if it meant that she'd pull all nighters for a few months to make sure he was okay, then so be it.

It got to the point where they got into screaming matches because he wasn't eating or sleeping, and if he kept it up, there would be nothing for Haley and Jack to come back to.

The entire team could see he was in a downward spiral, and Dave would talk to him about it, but Emily was the only who yelled at him. Because she made a promise to Haley. She would look after him.

She'd never stopped doing that, not once. Because they were family, and that's what family do. They baited Peter Lewis out into the open, made it seem like she knew where he was, even though she had no idea. So no matter what 'information' he could torture out of her, it would be a lie.

And it worked. Peter Lewis was dead, and Hotch and Jack were safe.

Only they couldn't save Haley last time.

* * *

**2010.**

They were sitting around the table at the funeral, everyone dressed in black. Dave had taken Hotch outside to talk and the rest of the team sat there, not really knowing what to do or say.

"Hi Emmy," she heard a small voice from next to her and Emily, along with the rest of the team, looked down at the boy standing there.

"Hey buddy," she said and leaned back so Jack could climb up onto her lap. She put her arms protectively around him as he leaned his head on her chest "Have you eaten?"

Jack nodded "Aunt Jessie got me some food," Emily nodded and brushed the hair from his face and he looked up at her "I don't think I feel like playing scrabble today,"

Emily's heart broke "Oh honey, that's okay," she responded and pulled him in tight.

"Can I just sit here for a while?" he asked quietly, so quiet that she almost didn't hear him.

"Of course you can," she said and strained her neck so she was whispering to him and no one else could hear "I'll be here the whole time,"

The rest of the team watched with curious, wet eyes. They all knew that Jack had taken a liking to Emily, but they hadn't realised just how much. She could feel Hotch looking at them through the open doors, but right now all that mattered was the boy in her arms.

* * *

**2018.**

The fact that they had been called away on a case almost broke Emily. She had to tell that little boy that she had to go. They didn't have a choice though. When duty calls, they answer.

Being called away on the case had been hard, but what Jack had said to her before she left nearly left her sobbing.

'Be careful.'

Two simple words. Two words that meant more to that little boy than it should.

So she stayed safe, and she came back. She wasn't going to let him down again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit shorter I'm sorry and it's sad as hell but eh, what kind of story would it be if it wasn't?


	4. Glad It Was You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone for so long lmao, but I've caught up on CM and this story just kinda came back to me. Chapter isn't very long, but it's something I guess. Hope you enjoy.

**2018.**

The next day, everyone had a day off. So she decided to do some shopping, calling Tara, JJ and Garcia to see if they wanted to join her. They met at Emily's apartment, JJ bringing the coffee, Penelope bringing the sunshine and Tara bringing the tunes for the car.

"I'm so glad we finally get a day to do this," Tara said, sipping on her coffee "It feels like forever since we were able to hang out,"

Emily sighed "I know," she shook her head "I've put all calls through to the Beta team today, so no one is getting called in,"

"Thank God," JJ said "Today I just want to relax and blow my money on things that I don't need,"

"Amen to that," Penelope piped up.

They spent most of their time chatting and gossiping about random things, other agents, until it was midday and they sat down at a cafe to eat lunch.

"I just hope that Hotch and Jack are doing okay," JJ said suddenly, as they ate their meals.

Tara and Penelope hummed in agreement, whereas Emily paused for a moment, not looking up from her food as she cleared her throat.

"I, uh, I heard from him yesterday," she said, poking at her food. All three agents looked up at her, waiting for her to continue "Relax, it was just a text,"

"Saying?"

"Thank you," she shrugged, finally looking up at them "And that I'd see them soon,"

"They're coming home?" Tara asked, her eyebrows raised.

"I don't know, that's all I got," she shrugged again, not really knowing what to say.

"You know why he messaged you, right?" JJ perked up.

"Yeah, because I'm in charge now, he was thanking all of us," Emily responded simply.

JJ laughed and Penelope shook her head "No way,"

"What do you mean _'no way'_?" Emily's eyebrows furrowed.

"I think what they're trying to say is..." Tara started "That Hotch likes you more than an agent,"

"We're friends..."

JJ huffed in annoying "Emily, I swear to God..."

"Hotch is in love with you!" Penelope blurted out.

They whole table was silent for a moment, waiting on Emily's reaction. She just stared at her three friends, before bursting out into laughter.

JJ rolled her eyes and Penelope shook her head again, Tara shrugging slightly.

"Wait, wait, wait," Emily stopped laughing for a moment "You think that our old boss is in love with me? _Me?_ "

"Yes!" all three exclaimed.

Emily chuckled "Yeah, okay," she said sarcastically "Even if that were true before, we haven't seen each other in two years, there's no way he'd feel anything like that now,"

"Please," Tara said, taking a sip of her drink.

"Are you gonna sit there and tell me that you don't feel the same way?" JJ asked her, eyebrow raised.

"Wha-I-..." Emily stuttered "That's preposterous,"

"Is it?" Penelope asked "My sweet Gumdrop," she started "I know for a fact that you love that duo more than anything in the world,"

"Especially Jack..." JJ said.

"Wha-I love Henry and Michael too!" Emily defended, and JJ nodded.

"I know you do, I've never doubted that," she said "But...you've gotta admit, Jack's different,"

She was right. He was different and she knew it. Emily had fallen in love with that little boy ever since the first time they met.

Emily let out a sad smile and she nodded her head towards a table on the other side of the food court "Did you know we sat right over there when he asked me if Haley was in heaven?"

She could almost feel all their hearts break around the table "Oh, Gumdrop,"

* * *

**2011.**

It had been over a year since the funeral, and Hotch was supposed to take Jack to the mall. He needed some new clothes, he was growing out of his real fast. But he got called into a meeting last minute and had to bail, so Emily offered to take him.

Hotch tried to tell her that she didn't need to, but she had wanted to, and so he let her.

Jack sat at the table drinking his milkshake and eating his fries, not really saying anything.

"You okay, buddy?" she asked him, eating her own fries as she watched him carefully.

He shrugged slightly, his legs swinging as they dangled from the chair.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" she said "About anything..."

Jack nodded and gave her a weak smile "I know, Emmy,"

"Good," she said softly before eating a few more fries.

She let him sit in silence for a while before he finally spoke up "Do you think Mommy's in heaven?"

_Shit._

Emily's heart shattered. This wasn't what a six year old boy should be thinking about. This isn't what _any_ child should be thinking about, especially not this one.

"Oh baby," she said before reaching across the table and grabbing his hands "I want you to listen to me, okay?" Jack nodded to her before she spoke again "Your mom was a good person, and she loved you very much," she started "She was kind and compassionate and all she ever wanted was for you to be happy,"

"So she got into heaven?"

Emily nodded her head "Yeah, baby, she got into heaven,"

Jack gave her a smile "Good,"

"What brought this on, Jack?" she asked him, furrowing her eyebrows.

Jack shrugged "A kid at school said mommy wouldn't be in heaven because she didn't believe in God,"

"Honey, I'm gonna tell you a little secret about God," she said "God is love, which means that he doesn't care if you believe in him or not, he doesn't care where you come from or who you are; if you're a good person, and kind to the people around you, God will love you and take care of you when it's time,"

"Do you believe in God?" Jack asked her "I don't think Daddy does,"

"Most of the time I do," Emily replied "But sometimes I see the really bad things in the world and I wonder why he would let such a thing happen,"

"Do you believe in God right now?" Jack asked her.

Emily smiled at him "I do, you know why?" Jack shook his head "Because I know he created one of the most incredible people I know, and I'm looking right at him,"

Jack giggled as he ate his fries, clearly in better spirits. She was glad she could give him an answer that let his mind rest. If she can keep the good memory of his mother alive, then that's exactly what she would do.

* * *

**2018.**

"Wow..." Penelope said "That's so sad,"

Emily nodded in response. She'd left a few details out, but they got the point of what she'd said to him.

"Haley would've appreciated what you said," JJ said softly "And if Hotch were to move on with anyone else, she'd be glad it was you,"

"JJ..." Emily shook her head.

"Okay, okay, I'll drop it," she put her hand up in surrender "Just something to think about is all,"

* * *

When the girls finally left her place, Emily sat down on her couch, sighing as she let her head fall back against the cushion. JJ's words rolled around in her head, repeating themselves over and over.

_'She'd be glad it was you.'_

But it just didn't feel right, like she were betraying Haley. She trusted her with her ex-husband and now she's in love with him? It just felt wrong.

"Get it together, Prentiss," she muttered to herself.

Just as she closed her eyes, her phone rang from the kitchen counter. She sighed as she slowly stood up, getting to it just in time.

_'Unknown Caller'_

Her eyebrows furrowed as she answered cautiously "Prentiss,"

_"Emily,"_

She froze. She knew that voice. That voice she'd missed so much more than she should.

"Hotch..." she breathed, sitting down on the stool as she spoke.

_"I know, I know, I'm late for our dinner,"_

Emily laughed out loud. Just before Hotch got whisked into WitSec, they'd agreed to have dinner when she got in from London. It never happened.

"You're such a dork," she replied, shaking her head with a huge grin on her face.

_"I didn't get a chance to call you yesterday to properly thank you for what you did for us,"_

"Hotch, you don't have to thank me," she responded softly "I would never-"

_"I know, and no one has ever thanked you for that, for being so protective, so I am now,"_

Her eyes began to sting, tears forming in the corners "Anytime,"

_"You know, since we never got that dinner the first time, how about we try again?"_

Emily bit her lip, smiling "Yeah, that...that'd be great,"

_"How about tomorrow night? Assuming you don't get dragged away on a case,"_

"Wow, I can't believe that just came out of your mouth," Emily chuckled to herself "How many people have said that to you over the years?"

She heard him laugh softly on the other end.

_"Too many,"_

There was a brief pause in their conversation before Hotch spoke up again.

_"Well, I'd let you speak to Jack but he's not here at the moment,"_

Emily's heart sank a little "Oh," she said "That's okay,"

_"I'm sorry,"_

"No, no, no-don't, it's fine," she replied "We have plenty of time to catch up,"

_"I, uh, I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully,"_

"Yeah, of course, I'll see you tomorrow," Emily smiled at the thought.

_"I'll pick you up at 8, bye Em,"_

"Bye Hotch," Emily replied before hanging up. She smiled to herself, she was finally getting to see Hotch again, after nearly two years. Not that it meant anything, they were just friends. Friends having dinner. So at least she got to see him, talk to him, hear him laugh. That was enough.

Yeah, that was enough. Friends having dinner.


	5. Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna apologise in advance lmao. Sorry. Enjoy????

**2018.**

Having an entire weekend off was a rarity in their line of work. So she was dreading that she was gonna get called in.

Which she did.

She sighed when she pulled up to the Quantico building, parking in her usual spot. Hopefully this wouldn't take long. But knowing the BAU, she was going to have to cancel on Hotch.

It almost seemed ironic. The amount of people he would've cancelled on over the years, and now the roles are reversed. Sort of. She held off on calling him though, in a glimmer of hope she had that she'd still be able to make it.

"This better be good," she said as she met with her team in the bullpen.

"We've got a missing seven year old boy," JJ said as she handed her the tablet with the case file on it, so she could see "He's been missing for nearly 12 hours,"

"Which means we've got 12 more to find him," Emily said as she started for her office "Alright, let's get started,"

They worked tirelessly trying to find this boy, so tirelessly that no one had time to notice that he looked exactly like Jack did at that age. That was until they found him, unharmed but terrified and tied up in a closet.

Emily was the one to find him first, Tara and Luke taking down the unsub a little too roughly. It was that moment, seeing him so scared, that she saw how much like Jack he looked.

"Come on, baby, let's get you home," she had said to him as she had carried the boy out to the car, keeping him close. When she'd tried to put him down in the car, he'd latched on, not letting go. He didn't say anything, but the look in his eye told him that he didn't want her to leave.

So she climbed in the back with him. Letting him saddle up close to her for comfort. She kept whispering in his ear, that he was safe and no one would hurt him again. She did that all the way back to the bureau, and held his hand until they saw his terrified-turned-relieved parents.

As they were reunited, Emily needed to take a breath. So she slipped away into the bathroom to splash some water on her face. Taking a deep breath, she could feel the tears welling in her eyes.

* * *

**2012.**

She'd been in Paris for two months now. Her life was non existent; she went to 'work' and came 'home'. None of it real. The only solace she had in this hell was playing online scrabble with JJ, and looking at the old photos of her team she'd collected over the years. JJ had slipped them to her before she left.

She came home from her job, a 9 to 5 mind-numbingly boring job, and picked up her mail from the post box of her tiny apartment. She made it upstairs before she filed through them all, stopping on one certain envelope.

_'Elizabeth II'_

She knew that writing, and almost almost smiled at the name. He was technically right, she _was_ Elizabeth II. Her middle name.

Emily opened the envelope, her hands trembling slightly as she pulled the letter out. Tears swelling as she read.

_'I don't really know what to say, except I'm sorry._

_I should've seen it sooner, made sure you knew you weren't alone. I should've begged you to let us help you fight. I should've done a lot of things. I know you would do it all over again, and that's makes you, you. That's what makes us proud to be your colleagues, your friends, your family._

_JJ stops by every week like clockwork, just to make sure we're okay. But to be honest, I think she needs us just as much as we need her._

_Spencer only talks when necessary, he doesn't ramble on about facts anymore. He's hurting, we all are._

_Dave never leaves his office unless it's for a case. I heard him talking to himself once, but he wasn't, he was talking to you. You were the closest thing he ever had to a daughter. At least that he knows of, knowing him he could have ten little Rossi's running around in the world._

_Ashley doesn't know what to do. You were her mentor, you showed her the ropes. You taught her well, and now I think she's just trying to make you proud._

_Penelope doesn't go a day without crying. She plastered pictures of you all around her den. She talks to you too, I think it helps her._

_Morgan. He's blaming himself, he wants revenge. He hasn't stopped since you left. None of us have._

_I'm getting posted in Pakistan, I tried to fight it, but maybe not as hard as I should've. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore, I can barely look at my son._

_At first I thought about not telling him, knowing one day you'd be able to come home. But truth be told, I don't know when that is, and I couldn't lie to him like that. He cried for a week straight. He didn't eat, sleep, or go to school the whole time. He doesn't cry as much anymore, but he's still hurting, just like the rest of us._

_When he finally started talking to me again, he said "I can't remember telling Emmy I love her."_

_We both cried all night._

_I want to tell them all that you're okay, that you're coming home as soon as it's safe. But I can't. I can't risk losing you for real, even if it means hurting them for a while._

_I'm writing you all of this to make sure that you know we are still fighting for you. We will keep fighting for you. Stay strong because we love you. We love how compassionate, and strong and damn stubborn you are, even if it hurt you._

_We're fighting for you._

_We love you._

_A.'_

Her legs were weak, and buckled underneath her. She fell to the ground, sobbing. She missed her family, and it hurt even more that they missed her too. That they were hurting too.

* * *

**2018.**

There was a knock on her door at 8 o'clock sharp. It was almost like he'd been waiting by the door. She took a deep breath before opening it.

There he stood in a suit, no tie. He looked relaxed, and happy. He had a smile on his face when he saw her, but it only took a moment to fade when he actually _saw_ her.

She looked terrible and she knew it. He knew something was wrong. She was dressed in her work clothes, and her eyes said she was in pain.

"Emily?"

"Hey Hotch," she said, and still stepped forward to hug him briefly. They never hugged for very long, but this was even briefer than normal.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She stepped aside to let him in, but didn't look him in the eye.

"Rough day?" he asked her, putting his car keys and phone on the kitchen counter.

"You could say that," she replied shortly.

He paused for a moment as he looked at her, avoiding his gaze at all costs "We're not going to dinner, are we?"

Emily finally looked at him, and gave him a sad smile "I can't,"

"Okay, well, we can eat in," he said "We don't have to go anywhere," he walked towards her fridge, where he knew the take-out menus would be "I know you love Chine-"

"Hotch," she stopped him "I can't,"

He stopped and looked at her "Oh," he looked down briefly as he nodded "That's okay, maybe another time,"

"Aaron, there's not going to be another time," she said quietly, forcing herself not to cry.

"I don't understand," his eyebrows furrowed as he stood dumbfounded in the kitchen.

She didn't say anything for a moment, but just walked to her bookshelf, picking out a book. Between two pages, she slipped out a worn out, folded piece of paper and walked slowly back over to him.

She handed it over to him cautiously "Do you remember this?" He looked down and unfolded the piece of paper slowly "I knew I should've destroyed it, but I couldn't. It was the only thing tying me to home,"

He read the first line, but didn't have to read the rest to remember what it was "I wrote you this,"

"When I was in Paris, yeah," she said.

"It was to tell you to not give up," Hotch said "To tell you that we weren't,"

Emily just looked at him for a moment, a lump forming in her throat, her eyes burning. She pointed to a specific paragraph for him to read.

"Emily..."

"He didn't sleep, he didn't eat, he didn't go to school," Emily said, tears finally falling down her face "What did I do to that little boy?"

Hotch's eyes snapped to hers and he put the letter down on the counter grabbing her shoulders firmly "No, don't do that. Don't go there,"

"He had already lost his mother, and I destroyed him even more," Emily cried, pushing him away from her.

"But you're back, you're here, you're alive," Hotch said quietly "He loves you,"

"Exactly!" Emily shouted "What happens when I don't come back? When I don't make it out alive?"

"So you cut yourself off completely?" Hotch asked her.

"This is the only way I know how to protect people," Emily said softly as she started to walk past him to her door, presumably to let him out.

"No, you don't get to do that," Hotch said, anger in his voice "You don't get to decide what's best for everyone else, you think that not letting us into your life is protecting him? You think that he's not gonna be crushed when he finds out that you don't want to see him anymore?"

"He'll get over it,"

"And what about me?" Hotch asked "What, I'm supposed to just...never see you again?"

"You've got other friends,"

"No, we don't do this to each other," Hotch shook his head "We don't walk out on one another,"

"You left us!" Emily yelled at him.

"No, I left the BAU, I did not leave this family!" he yelled back, silencing them both.

They just started at each other for a moment, like a battle of wills, neither willing to yield.

"Don't do this to us," Hotch said so quietly, it was almost a whisper "You are my best friend, don't throw it away,"

Emily almost lost it right there. Calling her his best friend had almost made her break down. This was hard enough without him guilting her.

_"Please,"_

"I love you, and I love Jack," Emily said, a tear rolling down her face "Which is why you have to leave,"

"This isn't right," Hotch shook his head "You know it's not,"

"Maybe," Emily said "But it's what I'm doing,"

Hotch just looked at her for a moment, a tear of his own starting to fall, and nodded. He wiped the tear quickly and grabbed his keys and phone from the counter before walking towards the door. Emily kept her distance, but she was behind him, ready to close the door.

"For the record," he said, turning just as he stepped out into the hallway of the building "I love you too,"

Emily shook her head as she reached the door "Then stop," she said and started to close the door on him "Goodbye, Aaron,"

As soon as she closed the door, she put her back against it and sank to the floor, silently crying into her hands as they covered her mouth.

This day just got even shittier.


	6. Stubborn

It had been three days since that night, and Emily was trying her best to keep it together. She acted as if nothing were wrong, but she worked with the best minds in the world, it's harder than it looks.

They were on the jet back from Florida, and Dave was sitting across from her. At first he was just reading his book as she sipped some scotch, and Emily tried her best to get some sleep, but it turns out he wasn't gonna let her off the hook that easy.

"You know..." he started, peeping up at her slightly "I'm glad you're here, with us again,"

She gave him a small smile "Me too,"

"I'm not sure what would happen if you left us again," he continued "Having you in our lives makes everything that little bit better,"

She eyed him for a moment "Spit it out, Dave,"

He finally looked up at her properly, closing his back and laying it down gently on the table. He had that look on his face. The Wise-Father look. She dreaded that look.

"Aaron called me," he said simply. Emily sighed and shook her head, looking down at her own scotch "He didn't say anything," she glanced back up at him as he continued "But it _is_ the first time he's ever avoided talking about you,"

"Rossi..."

"At first I wondered why that was," he continued, ignoring her "You were always the first person he asked about on the team, and I thought...maybe he finally realised what you mean to him and backed off, but..." he paused, shaking his head "He's known the answer to that for a long time,"

Emily shifted uncomfortably in her chair and Dave kept talking "But then I thought that maybe it wasn't him, it was you...and it's something you always do, something that I'm fairly certain you can't help but doing,"

"And what's that?" she asked, a little bit of venom in her voice.

"Pushing people away," Emily scoffed, shaking her head and avoiding eye contact "You've done it before, multiple times. It's the one thing we hate about you,"

"Tell me how you really feel," Emily said sarcastically.

"You think you can control everything, protect everyone else by taking yourself out of the equation completely, but let me tell you something, Emily," he stopped, making sure she was looking at him before he continued "Life doesn't work that way, and by doing what you're doing, you're not protecting them, you're hurting them,"

"It's more complicated than that-"

"No, it's not," Rossi replied "And you're too damn stubborn to see it. You made a promise to that boy, and I have never seen you break that promise, ever."

Emily just looked at him, her eyes burning, but refusing to let herself cry. He was right, she did make a promise to Jack, and she's never broken it. But now she might have to, for his own sake.

* * *

**2012.**

They'd just been let out of the congressional hearing, and Strauss had lifted their suspensions. Emily had been reinstated to the BAU, and they were currently sitting in the conference room just laughing with each other.

She'd missed this. Her family.

She had a lot to make up for, and she knew it. She had to earn their trust back and it wasn't going to be easy, but she was back and she was dedicated.

She looked around the table, seeing their smiling faces, how happy they were in that moment. It wouldn't last, they all knew that, and it was going to be rough when it was over. But for now, she was happy.

She looked out through the window, into the bullpen and saw two familiar figures standing in the middle of the bullpen, right near her old desk.

Her smile faded.

"Hotch... she said quietly. The entire team stopped, and Hotch followed her eyeline, only for it to land on his son "Does he-"

"No," Hotch shook his head and stood up, going out to the bullpen to meet his son. The whole room had stopped, wondering what was gonna happen next, no one daring to move.

Emily watched out as her boss bent down and spoke to his son. She couldn't make out what he was saying but by the confused expression on the boy's face, she knew he was breaking the news.

He grabbed his son's hand, leading him up the steps, and Emily knew he was bringing him to her. This was it. This was the moment she had dreaded and looked forward to for so long. Her emotions mixed, she waited for them to reach the room.

She stood up just as they reached the doorway, and Jack's eyes were wide, immediately filling with tears.

"Emmy?"

"Hi buddy," she said, moving slightly closer to him, but waiting for his reaction before she did anything else "Look how big you are,"

"Daddy told me you were with Mommy," he said shakily, pulling his hand away from his fathers and running to her. She crouched down just in time to catch him as he crashed into her, sobbing "He said you weren't coming back,"

"I'm so sorry, baby," she whispered to him, her hand on the back of his head, holding him to her as she hugged him "I missed you so much,"

"I missed you too, Emmy," the boy cried before pulling away and turning to his father "You lied!"

"I know, buddy," Hotch said, moving closer to crouch in front of him, only for Jack's tiny fists to collide with his chest. Hard.

"You said she was gone!" he kept hitting Hotch's chest "You lied to me!"

"Jack," Emily tried, but he kept punching his father's chest. So she grabbed his shoulders and made him face her "Baby, listen to me," she said, tears welling up in her eyes slightly "There was a bad man after me, okay? And the only way to keep you and me and everyone in this room safe, was if we pretended I was gone forever,"

"No!" Jack cried "You left me! You left me alone!"

Emily grabbed the sides of his face gently "Baby I will never leave you alone, no matter what. You know why?" the boy shook his head "Because no matter where we are, or what we're doing, I will always be with you...in here," she pointed to his heart "I promise that even when we're not together, I am always with you,"

Jack hiccuped, rubbing the tears from his eyes with his fist "You promise?"

"I promise," she said holding him where he was "Wherever you are, whatever time it is, I'll always be there,"

Jack leaned forward, falling into her chest, his head on her shoulder and he hugged her "I love you, Emmy,"

Emily closed her eyes, trying to get the tears from her eyes "I love you too, Jack,"

* * *

**2018.**

Emily sighed as the elevator doors to the floor f her apartment dinged open. It had been a really shitty week, and all she wanted to do was have a nice bath and drink a glass of wine...or four.

Her keys jingled in her hand as she walked down the hall, towards her door, only for her to stop when she saw a figure sitting next to it.

"Jack?"

His head shot up, a smile on his face as he jumped to his feet, closing the distance between them and crushing her in a hug. He was a teenager now, he had a lot more strength than he did when he was five.

"Hi Emmy," he said, not letting go for a bit. Part of her wished he never would. But he did eventually, and Emily couldn't help but smile when she actually saw his face for the first time in two years.

"Oh my God," she said in awe "Look how much you've grown, you're nearly as tall as I am,"

"I'll probably be taller than you soon," he smirked at her and chuckled at him.

"Yeah, probably," she said, finally unlocking her door "And that's terrifying,"

Jack laughed as he followed her through to her apartment, looking around as he stepped in "Cool place,"

"Thanks," she said as she threw her keys on the bench and turned to see him walking towards her bookshelf. She smiled, he loved reading. He always has.

"No way!" he called out, bending down to pick something up from the bottom shelf. He spun around, a huge grin on his face as he held the scrabble box out for her to see.

Emily laughed "Wow, you've been here less than a minute and you've already found it,"

"It's like a sixth sense," he shrugged, and set it down on the coffee table in front of him and sat down on the floor "Let's see if you're any better at this than you were when I was six,"

"Words hurt, Jack. Words hurt," she feigned hurt as she walked to the fridge, getting out a couple of sodas. Hotch never usually let him drink them during the week, but she really didn't care right now.

She set one down in front of him as she sit on the other side of the coffee table, legs crossed in front of her "How did you get here?"

"Uber," he said simply, not looking up as he set up the game.

"Does your dad know you stole his credit card?" Emily raised an eyebrow at him and Jack looked at her sheepishly.

"Technically I didn't steal it, because it was already connected to my phone from the last time I used one, he told me to use it," he shrugged, trying to play it off.

"Does he know you're here?" she asked, grabbing her own tiles from the bag. Jack paused, and she knew that meant 'no'. She sighed "Jack..."

"Can we not worry about this right now?" Jack asked her "I haven't seen you in forever and I just want to play you,"

How could she argue with that? So she changed the subject "Don't you mean 'beat me'?"

Jack smiled "Hell yeah, bring your A-Game, Prentiss, because you're about to lose again,"

"So confident," Emily smirked "Let's see you put your money where your mouth is, buddy,"

"You're on,"

They played for a while, Jack was winning again. But about three quarters of the way through, he stopped and looked up at her.

"Why wouldn't Dad let me see you?" he asked. Emily paused and looked up at him "Did he do something? Did you do something?"

"No, baby, nothing like that," she said quickly, then sighed "It's complicated,"

"I'm not a kid anymore, you don't have to keep things from me," he said.

Emily gave him a weak smile "No, you're not," she said "But you need to trust your dad on this one,"

"So, what?" Jack frowned "I'm never allowed to see you again? How is that fair?"

Before she could answer, there was a knock at the door. They both knew exactly who it was. Jack sighed as Emily stood up to answer it.

As she swung open the door, there stood Hotch with a stone expression on his face. He looked right past Emily as she stood to the side, letting him see his son. But he didn't step in.

"Jack, let's go," he said.

Jack stood up, but didn't move any closer "No,"

"Jack..." Emily tried.

"No!" he yelled before looking straight at his father "Why do you get to dictate who I see? Why don't I get a choice here? Just because you two are are having some messed up fight, doesn't mean that-"

"Jack!" Hotch stopped him "We're leaving,"

"Hotch..."

"What, Emily?" he finally looked at her "You wanted us out of your life, so that's what I'm trying to do," he said harshly.

The room fell silent, and Emily looked over at Jack, terrified of what she might see. Hurt.

"What?" Jack asked quietly, taking a step back in shock "You...you didn't want to see me?"

"Of course I wanted to see you-"

"Why?"

Emily closed her eyes briefly "Jack, please..."

She didn't say anything else before Jack stormed right past her and Hotch and down the hall. Hotch didn't move for a moment but instead looked at her.

"Still think this is the right thing to do?" was all he said before chasing after his son, out of sight.

She stood frozen by the door, her body in shock. He was never meant to find out. He was never supposed to think that she didn't love him, that she didn't want him.

What had she done?


	7. Idiotic Genius

She didn't sleep all night. She tossed and turned and cried. She'd hurt him, and she hated herself for that. But Jack wasn't her son, and she wasn't his mother. She forgot that all too often, until something glaringly obvious reminds her.

He had latched on hard, and she had let him. And now he was hurt. She let it get too far, she should've put up some boundaries. But he was so sweet, and he loves he. _Loved_ her. There's no way he'll ever talk to her again now.

Maybe it's for the best.

That was the plan though, wasn't it? To put some space between them? So he wouldn't get hurt in the long run? But it's too late for that now.

She looked at the clock next to her. 4:06. Sighing, she got up out of bed and got dressed. She laced her sneakers and walked out of her bedroom, passing the scrabble set she hadn't had the heart to put away.

That would most likely be the last good memory she had with him.

She stopped for a moment to look at it, but not for too long. She'd cried enough. So she walked out the door, gym bag over her shoulder, car keys in hand.

It was raining as she drove, luckily there was underground parking at her gym. It didn't take her long to get inside and straight to the punching bag.

Her hands were wrapped, an image of a little boy slowly disappearing from her mind the harder the punched. She kicked, elbowed, ducked. She was so wrapped up in her own anger and frustration, she didn't hear someone else enter the gym.

"I thought I was the only one that came here this time of night,"

She spun around quickly, ready to fight whoever was there. But relaxed when she saw a woman in gym clothes, towel over her shoulder, water bottle in her hand.

"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that," Emily replied, walking over to her bag, grabbing her own bottle as she panted slightly "And technically, it's morning,"

The woman smiled as she stepped slightly closer "So what's got you up so early in the morning then?"

Emily sat down on the bench against the wall "What's it to you?"

"Just curious, really," she replied "Everyone's got something they're trying to forget,"

Emily eyed her. She was pretty, in a way that people would double-take on the street as she passed by. She had brown hair, up in a curly ponytail, her dark African-American skin glowing with sweat. She guessed the woman was about her own age, and fighting off her own demons.

"You first,"

The woman shrugged and sat down next to her on the bench "I lost a patient today," she said simply "One I'd...grown attached to, I guess,"

"Sorry to hear that," Emily replied "You're a doctor?"

"Surgeon, yeah," the woman nodded, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees, before looking back at Emily "Your turn,"

Emily paused for a moment before answering "I hurt someone I care about today,"

"How?"

She shrugged "Made him feel like I didn't love him, didn't want him,"

"Boyfriend?"

"Friend,"

"Sounds a bit more complicated than 'friend',"

"It is," Emily responded, she took a moment before looking back at this woman "Your patient, were you close?"

The woman smiled sadly "He'd been with me since my intern year," she replied "He wouldn't let anyone else operate on him but me," she shook her head "I was supposed to save him, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this,"

"I've been there,"

She looked over at Emily quizzically "You're a doctor?"

Emily chuckled "God no, I hate hospitals," she replied "I'm FBI,"

The woman nodded "You know, I should know how to deal with it by now, but..." she shook her head and looked back at Emily again "How do you get past it?"

"I'll let you know when I do," she replied simply.

The woman gave her a smile and a short nod "I'm Adrian, by the way,"

"Emily,"

* * *

Emily and Adrian had ended up talking and sparring for hours, until it was 6am and Emily had to start getting ready for work soon. She'd showered at the gym, and brought a spare change of clothes for after. They were casual, jeans and a plain white t-shirt, but she knew she had a jacket at work, so she guessed it was casual Thursday today.

"Do you wanna grab a coffee?" Emily asked her "I don't have to be at the office for another hour or so,"

"Sure," Adrian replied "Give me my caffeine fix before I head back to the hospital,"

They walked to this small cafe down the street from the gym, and sat in a booth by the window as the sun came up.

"So tell me about this friend you hurt," Adrian said, her hands around her mug of coffee "I aced my psych rotation,"

Emily chuckled "You don't need to psychoanalyse me, everyone at work does that for me," she replied, but Adrian didn't say anything else, waiting for her to answer. She sighed but smiled sadly at the memory "He's thirteen,"

The look on Adrian's face made Emily quickly defend herself "No, no, no! I've known him since he was four, he's my best friend's son,"

Adrian nodded, waiting fo her to continue "His mother died when he was five, his father is my best friend..."

"Is that all he is?" Adrian asked.

Emily chuckled "You sound like my friend JJ," she responded, but continued anyway "Hotch and I have a...complicated relationship. After Haley died, I hung around a lot more, made sure he ate, bathed, basically survive," Emily shook her head slightly "I promised Haley I would, so I did,"

"You know, this sounds so fuckin' stupid, but I keep having to remind myself that Jack's not my son," Emily scoffed at herself.

"It doesn't sound stupid," Adrian said "It doesn't explain why you think you hurt him though, why he thinks you don't love him,"

"It's just...he's already lost his mother, and my job is dangerous, I don't want him getting hurt like that again," Emily explained "He shouldn't have to handle that,"

"So, let me get this straight..." Adrian said, her eyebrows furrowing slightly "This boy, who you clearly love dearly, and who clearly loves you, can't be in your life because one day you could die?"

"Yes,"

"Emily." Adrian looked at her deadpanned "You're a grown ass woman, he is a teenage boy, you're going to die before him no matter what," she said "This is not a good enough reason,"

"And it'll be easier when he's not attached,"

"He's already attached," Adrian pointed out "Believe it or not, you're gonna be in this kid's life forever no matter what you do," before Emily could respond, Adrian spoke again "Clearly, you have some attachment to this kid that I don't fully understand, but from what you've told me...this relationship you've got is worth the hurt he may feel one day, because you're not even gone and you're both hurting,"

How is it that a stranger could get into her head quicker than her own friends?

"How is that fair on either of you?"

* * *

It had been a long day at work, and all she could think about was that conversation with Adrian. She knew she was right, she knew it, but Emily had already damaged the friendships she had with those boys

She watched him as he kicked the ball around on the soccer field, Hotch sitting on the bench, calling out something every now and again. Jack wouldn't want to talk to her yet, that was fine, but she wanted to talk to Hotch. She needed to. Jack had managed to forgive her, over and over. She hoped he would this time too, but she didn't know how Hotch would react yet.

So she stood, watching the teenager kick the ball around by himself.

* * *

**2013.**

"You're leaving?"

Emily nodded "I am,"

"But you only just got back,"

Emily sat down next to the eight year old "I know I did," she said "But it's not like we can't talk or see each other,"

"It won't be the same," he folded his arms protectively in front of him.

"I know, baby," she said "But I made you a promise, what did I promise you?"

Jack shrugged slightly "That no matter where we are, you'll always be with me,"

"Exactly," she said, she glanced up at Hotch, his face expressionless, Beth standing behind him. She'd always been kind of jealous of Emily and Jack's relationship, but she hid it well. If Emily weren't a profiler, she wouldn't have noticed.

Beth was kind, and she had a good heart, and that was good for Jack. She was understanding of their job, and how delicate they had to be with Jack. Emily liked her, even if deep down she hated the fact they were together. She made both boys smile and laugh, and they need that. So Beth was okay in her book.

"I can come back to visit and we can Skype all the time, we can write each other letters and you can send me photos," Emily continued "Jack, I'm not leaving you, I promise,"

He finally looked at her again, his eyes narrowing slightly as he spoke "The last time you went away, Daddy made you go away, is he making you go away again?"

"Oh, Jack, no," Emily said, glancing at Hotch for a second, his face no longer expressionless, but she didn't process it for too long "This is my choice, I want to do this,"

Jack looked between her and his father, sizing them up apparently, before he finally nodded "Okay," he said "But if you're not happy, will you come home?"

Emily let out a small laugh and pulled him in for a hug "I'll come running right back to you,"

Jack held on for dear life "I hope you're happy over there, but don't replace me,"

Emily close her eyes, kissing the side of his head "I could never replace you," she whispered to him "Ever,"

"I love you, Emmy,"

"I love you too, baby,"

* * *

**2018.**

She'd been watching them for a while, and now it was time. She started to walk over to Hotch on the bench, hoping he wouldn't just walk away from her. He spotted her as she got closer, and sighed a breath of relief when he didn't move.

He didn't say anything to her though, he just sat there, watching his son who hadn't seen her yet. She sat down on the bench next to him without saying anything, just seeing where it would go.

"You told us to stay away, that doesn't work if you're the one showing up," Hotch said after a moment.

"I know," Emily replied "But seeing how hurt he was yesterday..." she shook her head as she trailed off "That's what I was trying to avoid,"

"You should've thought about that a decade ago, Emily," he replied.

"You're right," Emily replied, looking out at the boy "I let him get too close, I let myself get too close,"

Hotch finally looked over at her "You think that's the problem here? That you love each other?" he shook his head, looking away "You know, for someone who's really smart, you really are an idiot,"

Emily snorted ironically "Yeah, I'm getting that impression,"

They stayed in silence for a moment, just watching Jack on the field, before she looked over at her best friend.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, making him look over at her "I didn't wanna hurt you, or Jack, and this past week..." she shook her head "I realised how much you both mean to me, you're my best friend, Aaron,"

He didn't respond, he just lent back against the bench and reached over to grab her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. They just sat like that for a while, not looking at each other, not talking, just watching Jack.

Eventually, Jack saw her sitting on the bench. He paused for a moment, then kept kicking the ball around, this time unenthusiastically. Like he was only doing it until she went away.

"Will he ever forgive me?" she asked quietly.

Hotch gave her a small smile "Always,"

She smiled weakly at him before she stood up, unlinking their hands and walking towards the teenager. Jack looked up and saw her getting closer, and as soon as she was close enough to hear, he asked "What do you want?"

"To apologise," she said simply, taking the ball from him with a swift kick, dribbling it out a little bit.

He was hurt and angry, yet when she kicked the ball over to him, he kicked it back "Well, go on then,"

Emily smirked slightly, it was such a teenager response, she couldn't believe he was this old already "I'm sorry," she said as she kicked the ball back to him "I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I ever made you feel like I didn't want you," she continued as they kicked the ball back and forth "I'm sorry that I made you feel like I don't love you,"

"If you love me so much then why don't you want me around?" he asked her, not understanding it yet.

"You got it wrong, Jack," she replied "When you showed up at my door the other day, that was the happiest I've felt in a long time," she said "But I just didn't want to hurt you later on down the track,"

"How would you hurt me?" Jack asked her, frowning as he passed the ball to her. She stopped it, but she didn't pass it back, making him look at her.

"By dying,"

Jack stopped, just staring at her, not really knowing what to say.

"You...you've been through more horrible things in your 13 years than anyone should have to go through in a lifetime," she explained "I can't be one of those things, Jack, not again,"

He frowned, shaking his head "It's too late," he said, walking towards her "Emmy, when you die, for real this time, I'm probably gonna cry for months, if you were here at the end or not," he continued "I don't remember much about my mom, I know she loved me, and you keep telling me she was a good person, a person that I could be proud of. But you...you've been here pretty much my whole life, even when you were on the other side of the world, you were always here for me. You can run away, try and make it hurt less all you want, but when the time comes, I know it's gonna hurt like hell no matter what,"

Emily wiped the tears from her eyes as she pulled the boy into a hug "You're a lot smarter than your father, you know that?"

Jack laughed "Can I tell him you said that?" he asked as they pulled back.

"Absolutely not," she responded before pulling back and dribbling the ball away from him "Let's test out these soccer skills, huh?"

"Oh, you're on Prentiss!"


End file.
